So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
