i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
