Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
