Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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