Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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