Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the day after is always just damage control
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
