umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Never underestimate the power of titties
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