If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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