I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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