i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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