well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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