Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
