Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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