Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
