you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
