I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
