Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
