Tell her she can't have a vagina
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
