i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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