Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
