just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
