allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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