If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
