between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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