Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
