i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
