i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
