New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
