so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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