He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
