He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
