There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
