so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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