I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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