it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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