He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
