You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
