hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
