I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
