She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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