god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
