so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
