He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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