That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
