if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
