Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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