soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we're making bets on your personal life
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
