So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
