Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
