He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
