He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
